Start getting real

Oh, kittens. This makes me so, so…tired. I’m already tired. Not that these gals don’t all seem perfectly nice and maybe genuine and possibly even hot. It’s just the packaging, the promotion, the pretty much everything makes me want to go eat a sandwich. In fact, watch this while I go make a sandwich.

I mean, how I’m not sure if you caught it but the preview stresses that these are REAL! LIVE! LESBIANS! No, really, real lesbians – real ones. We swear, they’re real. Look, they even kiss girls. On camera. REAL! But then they pick possibly the least real place on the planet (no offense, L.A., but you know it’s true) to set their show. To wit, almost every cast member – except for Papi Rose – is in this business we call show. So, yeah, just like every other lesbian you know.

But while the behind-the-scenes preview is one thing, the cast bios on the Showtime website are quite another. What aspiring romance novelist wrote this stuff? “Tracy is every girl's dream…” “Jill is the girl all the guys want, but only one girl has.” “But Rose is altar-skittish and may be too wild to be tamed by one flame.” Now that’s some “Sweet Valley High”-worthy writing right there.

Also, when the preview wasn’t emphasizing its realness, it was pumping up its drama. Did you know there’ll be drama? Girls, together, lesbian girls, tattoos – DRA-MAAAAA! But then what would you expect from the true story of six lesbians who live in Los Angeles and have their lives taped for Showtime to find out what happens when lesbians stop being polite and start getting real.

Other interesting statement from the promo:
1. “This has never been done before.”
Um, yes it has. “Curl Girls.” “Gimme Sugar.” Yeah, it really has.
2. “I have faith that the show will really accurately portray who we are and want to celebrate us.”
Wait, you saw “The L Word,” right? I mean, especially that last season – the one with the dead girl in the pool. Celebrate!
3. “I could be fucked.”
So could we all, so could we all.

The only really good thing about promo is it never mentioned Mama Chaiken by name. But they did mentioned it’s “from the creator of ‘The L Word’” twice, so that pretty much negates any semblance of humility. In the end, I’m just don’t feel like I need to see the lives of a bunch of pretty, well-heeled, finely polished L.A. lesbians to in any way validate, illuminate or elucidate my life. Will I watch to see cute girls kissing? Maybe. What can I say, my deeply shallow side sometimes wrests control of the remote away from my dorky PBS side. But both sides insist we fast forward through the drama.

p.s. I know this is probably a terrible thing to say and she is undoubtedly a lovely person, but Nikki (the non-tattooed blonde one) looks like she wants to EAT OUR SOULS. Seriously, she wants to suck them out of our eye sockets and spread them on toast. Toast which she will then feed her dog because, come on, that woman hasn’t eaten a carb since the Clinton administration.