My Weekend Crush

They say all actors are chameleons, which to an extent is true. But not all of them go to the extent that Toni Collette does to prove it. I had not watched the “United States of Tara” until last weekend – even one little episode. Part of this is because I don’t have Showtime anymore, and part of this is my continued stubborn instance on being behind in everything. But then, as I gloated before, the entire second season screener fell into my lap and it just seemed beyond callous not to at the very least give it a peek. Two nights and 12 episodes later, I am hooked like a flounder.

Now, it isn’t just the neat party trick that Toni can pull off, switching from alter to alter that makes this show so interesting. Instead it’s a combination of excellent writing, rich characters and undeniable realness no matter how surreal the situations get. And, if I may gloat once more, I have seen the future and it is pretty freaking fantastic. I think the highest compliment I can give this season is that it makes me desperately want to watch next (and, of course, catch up on last season). As odd as this sounds, given her frequent unhinged behavior, Tara is the glue that holds the show together. Which is all thanks to Toni.

I’ve loved Toni since “Muriel’s Wedding” – how could you not? As the awkward daydreamer with a thing for ABBA, she was the underdog who inspired one of the great underdog solidarity lines in cinema: “I’m with Muriel.” Through her career she has shown off an uncanny ability to melt into a role, though none more so than as Tara and her alters. With a tip of the head, a roll of her shoulder she can transform into another, fully formed person. Also, it doesn’t hurt that this season Buck gets (and goes, ahem) down with Pammy. Oh, baby, indeed. Happy weekend, all.

[Slightly NSFW, so you know, watch immediately.]

People like her

This long and painful march toward full equality, it seems to me, boils down to something quite simple – normalcy. For all the fighting and chanting and rallying and protesting, what we really want at the end of the day is to be seen as normal. We are, after all, just like everyone else. We pay taxes, we have families, we fall in love, we fall out of love, we vote, we go to the dentist, we buy groceries, we argue about what to watch on TV. There is just this little business of what kind of genital we prefer that differs. Minor, really.

Whenever we’re treated outside the gay community as just that, normal, I feel we’ve accomplished our goal. So, when I picked up People magazine to read the feature on Rachel Maddow and her partner Susan Mikula, I almost felt like screaming “Victory!” How incredibly normal, how delightfully mundane was the feature on them? Look, they have a cute house – just like you! Look, they do the dishes together – just like you! Look, they eat Cream of Wheat – just like you!

The short piece (read the full scans here) has none of the “What’s it like to be gay?” drama that sometimes accompanies such mainstream features. It’s not an issue, just a fact. Other interesting facts? Rachel works 60 hours a week (I bet it’s really more than that). They live in a 275-foot Manhattan apartment during the week (How do you shoehorn that much smart into that small a space?). And Rachel says they way the two met while she was doing yard work for Susan was “very ‘Desperate Housewives.’” (Sample pick-up line: You want me to trim your bush? Groan. Sorry, had to).

So thanks, People, for making us love Rachel even more and realizing – besides her abnormally big brain – how so very normal she actually is. Also thanks for making every gay gal on the planet frantically take to Google to find Rachel’s adorable ringer T.

Delany delivers

Hey, Dana Delany. What happened to your pants? Not that I’m complaining. Nope, not complaining at all. You see, me and Dana go way back. So I feel perfectly comfortable ribbing her about her pantlessness. Also, hello, cleavage.

Dude, since when have More magazine covers been this sexy? Am I browsing the wrong magazine age bracket? And it’s just as saucy inside. The article’s revelations:

The 54-year-old actress has always dreamed about being a man. And not just any man, but George Clooney. (The better to get all the ladies with, naturally.) OK, she says the real reason is because he is a “he’s a responsible human being who loves his life.” Though, truth be told, at age 9 she sort of looked like a boy. Also, did you know her great-grandfather invented the Delany Flush Valve for toilets. And she went to Wesleyan.

There is also, and I kid you not, a paragraph in the article that begins, “Ah, Delany’s big breasts.” Then in her next quote she uses the word “orgasm” not once, but twice. Seriously, why did no one tell me about More magazine before?

Finally, did you know Dana rents out the guesthouse at her West LA home? Why can I never find landlords like this?

Oh, Dana. As a person who thinks of military choppers and Army scrubs whenever “Reflections” by Diana Ross & the Supremes comes on, it cheers my heart to see Dana doing (and of course looking) so well. I had a Florence Nightingale-level crush on Dana in my early teens thanks to “China Beach.”She was so capable, yet so sensitive as Nurse Colleen McMurphy. I still get a little chill each time I hear the theme song.

So then, imagine my delight when she popped up as a power lesbian senator on “The L Word.” And, of course, imagine my delight at her lesbian relationship in “Desperate Housewives.” While I don’t watch the show, I certainly watch clips.

Granted, that clip seems to be mostly about Dana admiring Julie Benz’s breasts. But I’ll take it. And for once, no lesbian was hurt, killed, dumped or disappeared into the parking lot of no return at the end of this storyline. They went to gay Paris. Where, I am sure, they will live happily ever after admiring each other’s considerable, um, assets. Sheesh, see what happens when you read More magazine? Mind straight in the gutter. Happy hump day, indeed.

Faking it

People can be awful. Really, truly, unrepentantly awful. While this is nothing new, the realization of how awful people can be particularly to members of the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and questioning community is like a kick in the gut anew each time. Which, in turn, is exactly how I felt when I heard lesbian teen Constance McMillen was sent to a fake prom by her town.

You remember Constance, the 18-year-old lesbian student who asked her Mississippi high school if she could go to prom in a tux with her girlfriend. And instead of saying, “Of course, who loves dancing more than the gays?” her school said “Ewww, gay! No prom for ANYONE !” Lawsuits were filed, private proms were organized. And then Constance was finally invited to the parent-sponsored private event. But when she got there, only five other students were there. All the other students? They were far away from the gay at the “real” prom enjoying their night of throwing up in limos and potentially getting date raped.

Constance told The Advocate:

“They had two proms and I was only invited to one of them. The one that I went to had seven people there, and everyone went to the other one I wasn’t invited to….It hurts my feelings.”

And who chaperoned the fake prom? The principal and teachers. Classy, really classy.

Oh, and guess what? Among the seven students there were two with “learning difficulties.” Said Constance, “They had the time of their lives. That’s the one good thing that come out of this, [these kids] didn’t have to worry about people making fun of them [at their prom].”

Hey, that sounds kind of familiar. Who else was it that rounded up the queers and the people with developmental disabilities and society’s other “undesirables” and shipped them away from the rest of the “pure” world? I wonder if any Jewish kids go to Itawamba Agricultural High School, and if so which prom they got to go to. Just saying.

And if your blood isn’t boiling enough, some delightful townsperson has started a “Constance quit yer cryin” Facebook page. The first post: “Seriously, you've pretty much eff'd up your fellow classmate's best memory of High School.”

What, exactly, is wrong with people? Why are they so terrible and cruel, hateful and ignorant? What makes an entire town conspire to leave the gay kid out (and the learning disabled kids, too, for good measure)? Also, if we all scream the same expletive at the same time in the direction of Fulton, Miss. do you think they could hear us? Because I really, really want everyone who was part of this appalling stunt to hear us.

While it’s cold comfort now, history will prove these people for the shameful bigots that they are. All that rage doesn’t have to be impotent either. We can use it, focus it and fight even harder. People can be awful. But we can be better. We have to be.

CONTACT:

Itawamba County Schools Superintendent Teresa McNeece:

tmcneece@itawamba.k12.ms.us
662-862-2159 ext. 14

Itawamba Agricultural High School principal Trae Wiygul

twiygul@itawamba.k12.ms.us
662-862-3104

SUPPORT

Mississippi Safe Schools Coalition

ACLU LGBT Project

Let Constance Take Her Girlfriend to Prom Facebook Page

Constance’s prom may have been fake, but these people are real assholes.

UPDATE: One more way to speak out. Sign the HRC petition to say "I stand with Constance McMillen.”

Kate the Greatly Hilarious

Things you already knew: 1) Kate Clinton is very funny. 2) Kate Clinton is very smart. Things you might not have already known: 1) Kate Clinton is a little frightened by Dinah Shore Weekend. 2) Kate Clinton is lovely to talk with. The latter I found out after a delightful interview with the out comedian to promote her upcoming breast cancer research benefit show, Back 2 Back, with fellow funny lady Lily Tomlin in Staten Island, NY on April 17.

The Details: [Click to enlarge]

For those unfamiliar with Kate (What? Do we need to check your Gay Card?), she is an out, proud, funny, very funny, smart political humorist and overachieving activist. She has been performing for nearly 30 years, all of them out. She supports a myriad of gay rights groups and other progressive causes. Have I mentioned I got to talk with her on Friday? What transpired:

DS: So you’re not at The Dinah this weekend will all the sweaty, board-shorted lesbians?
KC: I am not, I chose a more quiet family event. (The Dinah) scares me a little. I remember one time I felt like I was at Thunderdome.
DS: How did the idea for the benefit arise?
KC: (Lily and I) have done events and fundraisers together over the years. About two years ago I was MCing a dinner in Boston where she was also getting an award. I was supposed to auction off lunch with me in Provincetown. It was at $1,000, which I find astounding that people want to eat with you. (Lily) came up and said, “I will dress as Ernestine and come to lunch with you,” and the price went up. (We were improvising onstage), she was Ernestine and I was her lesbian bodyguard Vito. There was a moment when you can see me (on the video) go, “Oh my God, I am working with Lily Tomlin!” We ended up auctioning the lunch for like $7,000.
DS: What is it like working with Lily?
KC: It’s just heaven. I can’t get over myself.
DS: The event is a benefit for breast cancer research and you are very involved in activism of all sorts. Where did the seeds of your activism come from?
KC: I hate to admit it on this Good Friday, but from my Catholic upbringing. You volunteered to do things – visit nursing homes, collect money for pagan babies.
DS: How do you think the levels and kinds of activism in the LGBT movement have evolved over the years since you started as a performer?
KC: I came up, and will always be grateful for it, at the end of a really incredibly active lesbian movement. I benefited from the activism of women who thought we needed space, space we could perform in. If we can’t find a bar, we’ll make a bar. It was very grassroots. Then there was the response to the AIDS crisis. That was a period when gay men and lesbians really worked together. It seems we’ve drifted apart since….
One of the most wonderful things about this generation is they are breaking the silos. This generation is far more interested in homelessness, in bullying, in violence. They’re much more committed to the issues of gender and transformation. They’re about environmental issues, war, peace. It’s more blended.
DS: People sometimes think it’s hard for progressive humorists to have things to joke about when our side is finally in charge. Have you found it harder since President Obama took office or does the gift that keeps on giving, Sarah Palin, make up for that?
KC: People ask me, “What are you going to do without George W. Bush?” and I used to say, “We’ll always have the Pope.” Little did I know. You know at the end of was it only 8 years, it was really boring. “Yep, he’s evil. Yep, he’s still evil.” …. It’s much more exciting and interesting now.
DS: How would you grade Obama so far?
KC: He reminds me of the kid who is trying to be good in a study hall class that is completely out of its mind. The kids are completely out of hand and not listening, and then one kid is in the corner doing his homework. I feel like he is just getting going. As a performer, I’ve never felt more schizophrenic in my life. It’s like, “We elected our first black president!” “Oh, Prop. 8 passed.” “We’re going to repeal Don’t Ask Don’t Tell!” “Oh, no we’re not.”(Obama) is probably a victim of expectations.
DS: What do you make of a show like “Glee,” which besides having the wonderful Jane Lynch has such a strong gay sensibility and is wildly popular right now?
KC: The stories about my generation were about coming out. The narratives of the “Glee” generation are about being out. I think that’s wonderful. That said it’s still very difficult to come out. When the last person thinks about coming out and his or her last though is not about suicide then our job is done. We’ve still got a lot of work to do.
DS: Now you’re all over the series of tubes – with your own website, on Twitter, Facebook, YouTube. Do you enjoy all the new ways to connect with your audience?
KC: I do, it’s been great. Sometimes it’s very funny. It’s a voracious medium, though. You have to keep feeding and feeding the beast. The greatness is that it forces me to produce something on a regular basic. You always have to generate new material. The world has changed. Before if something gay happened you could talk about it for five years.
DS: Now you’re also old, dead-tree media friendly. You released your third book, “I Told You So,” last year. What do you get from writing that you don’t from performing?
KC: I am a paper and pencil gal and I always love the experience. There is immediacy to feeding the daily beast on blogs and Twitter. But I also like having a longer period. I love the experience of being able to really craft a sentence and have time to discover things.
DS: You also have a new solo tour, Lady Haha. By the way, you have the best tour names: Lady Haha, Yes on K8, Hilarity Clinton. What can people expect from the Lady Haha shows?
KC: Well, of course, incredible outfits. It’s sort of like a newspaper. My routines are a lot of stuff in the daily news and things that have always been fascinating to me – religion, race, government. I remember standing in line at the post office in Provincetown and someone asked me what I was up to. I said I’m writing and working on a new routine. He asked, “What about?” and I said, “Genocide in Bosnia.” He said, “Sounds like fun.” I think the process of taking that information and transforming it into funny is certainly challenging. But that is what I love. And that is what I want. I want people to be rolling with hilarious laughter. I think it’s great to laugh.

For more on Kate, visit her website. To buy tickets to Back 2 Back, click here. To express your jealously that I got to talk with Kate, vent away below.

My Weekend Crush

So little Anna Paquin is family. Yesterday she came out as bisexual in a public service announcement for the We Give a Damn campaign. Now I think that may be the first outing via PSA in history. You’ve got to admire her efficiency. But what it really is is another reminder that we are everywhere. It’s also important to note that this news is not at all muted by the fact that Anna is engaged to her “True Blood” co-star Stephen Moyer. That’s pretty much the definition of being bisexual – you can be in a relationship with a man or a woman. Being with either one does not negate the other. If she is with a man it doesn’t mean that she is straight, just like if she is with a woman it doesn’t mean she is lesbian. It’s about either, that’s key.

This news also makes me want to take my gaydar in for a tune-up because she did not ping me at all. Granted, I haven’t seen much of her most recent work (remember, not a “True Blood” watcher – yet). Also I think some of it might be a resistance to seeing Anna in that way. I still vividly remember her as that precocious little girl in the sparkly blue beret hoisting her Oscar. Of course time passes and she is now 27, so that’s well into the age when it’s appropriate to have inappropriate thoughts about a person. Through her career Anna has chosen her roles judiciously. She has often taken smaller roles in good projects (“X-Men,” “Almost Famous,” “The Squid & the Whale”) instead of leads in uninspiring commercial pap. And I love that she kept that gap in her teeth. Now I’m off to think naughty things about Rogue and Kitty Pryde together. Welcome, Anna. Happy weekend, all.

EDITOR’S NOTE: It is not my policy to interfere with comments. That is your space to express your opinions, oppositions, whatever you want. I respect that inherently. I get the whole frontpage to blab, you need your space, too. So while I normally do not, as a rule, wade into the conversation, please know that I do read everything and appreciate your input.

Certain comments, while hurtful, unhelpful and ultimately just terribly ignorant, are part of this conversation. I vehemently disagree with bi-phobia. It is wrong. I believe we can only truly be accepted by the larger society if we accept all segments of our own society. The world is such a big and strange place I do not understand people who insist that their small segment is better than another small segment. We all want happiness and as long as we are pursing our happiness with a consenting other human being, who are we to judge?

Small-minded thinking cripples us all. I believe to be gay is to be open to a big umbrella of sexual otherness. There is plenty of room underneath for all of us and together we’ll shield each other from the downpour of negativity the rest of the world showers on us daily. I welcome this discussion and I hope it is looked at for what is could be: an opportunity to change minds and a reminder of the work that is still to be done.

p.s. AWESOME story about Anna checking out your girlfriend's rack, Julie.

Gender Fuck Thursday

While all the bikini-clad lesbian amass in Palm Springs this weekend with their board shorts and their novelty tanks, I’d like to take this moment to sing the praises of a well-dressed woman. Now, I’ve got nothing against Dinah Shore Weekend. In general, I am very pro sweaty, drunken, semi-naked lesbians. But as an activity I want to immerse myself into for an entire weekend, um, no thanks. I never participated in wet T-shirt contests in college during my actual spring breaks, so why would I want to begin now as an adult who has a much longer and painful turn-around time from hangovers. Also, all white is so unflattering. Though for all you lovelies who are going, knock yourself out. Just remember: sunscreen, aspirin and hand sanitizer. Hey, that’s a lot of gay ladies in one place – you never know where those hands have been. And if you really want to stand out amid the madras shorts and flips flops, remember nothing says sexy like a suit.

Diane KrugerThere is nothing inglorious about the way she wears a suit.

Amy AdamsSuits are stylish and functional; that belt could double as a suitcase strap.

Marion CotillardLa vie en rock ‘n’ roll.

Tilda SwintonLike I could leave her out of one of these Thursdays.

Vera FarmigaJust showing Clooney how it’s done.

Zoe SaldanaShirts are, as always, optional.

Lea MicheleThough, if you’re shy, you can certainly cover up instead.

Marlene Dietrich

Now, does this not beat almost any bikini you’ve ever seen?