Tank Top Tuesday: Country Gals

I won’t lie, I’m not much for country music – particularly contemporary country music. I grew up in an area where a large chunk the school listened to country music with Skoal rings in their back pockets. And most of those folks wanted little to do with the nerdy little Asian girl with glasses. So, no, there are no “Nothing runs like a Deere” caps in my closet. But now, thanks to the great healers known as time and distances, I can appreciate that other people may love and enjoy country music. Sure, the only contemporary country on my iPod right now is the copy of Chely Wright’s “Lifted Off the Ground” out of lesbo solidarity. But thanks to country gals’ penchant for tight jeans and even tighter tank tops, I totally understand how many a gay gal could swoon.

Jennifer NettlesToo bad she didn’t bring along former Sugarland member and gay lady Kristen Hall for tank top support.

Carrie UnderwoodA girl, a dog and a tank top. God bless America.

Hillary ScottThank you for the tank top. Please stop making my radio station play “I Need You Now.”

Taylor SwiftI actually interviewed her a couple of years ago and she was lovely and gracious and composed. So she can spin whatever fairytale she wants in my book.

Miranda LambertWhen her set came up at Lilith Faire, I took a beer break. Instead I ended up glued to the big screen from the bar ‘cause darn it if that gal didn’t have tons of spunk.

Faith HillRemember when she told a fan not to grab her husband Tim McGraw’s junk from the stage? Good times.

Natalie MainesDude, with that haircut and that tattoo and that tank top it’s like a five-alarm gaydar fire up in here.

Gretchen WilsonRedneck women ride big-ass bikes.

Reba McEntireWristcuffs? Now they’re just taunting us.

Shania TwainWhat? I’m sorry, was I saying something about not liking country? I couldn’t remember on account of the passing out.

My Weekend Crush

The more I learn about Chely Wright, the more I love her. Which, considering I didn’t even know that she existed a week ago, is no small feat. I’m not a contemporary country fan, but I am a fan of honesty and openness. And in interview after interview, Chely has shown herself to be nothing but honest, open, thoughtful, compassionate and real. Heck, thanks to my friend Heather’s glowing review, I’m even seriously considering buying her book. And I, as a rule, shun all celebrity memoirs. The way Chely talks about her journey out of the closet is just so wonderful, encouraging, inspiring. We sometimes forget, in this seemingly endless struggle for equality, that there is more to coming out than just the external politics of living openly. It’s deeply personal process that can involve intense internal turmoil. For Chely, that meant losing a partner of 12-years who she called “the love of my life” because she chose to stay closeted and one day sitting in front of a mirror with a 9mm in her mouth and wanting to end it all. Luckily for us all, she didn’t.

In a fantastically candid and slyly funny interview with Entertainment Weekly (for heaven’s sake, read the whole thing!), Chely talks about everything from the industry to her anger about Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell to how long it took for her to tell even the people closest to her. They included her best friend, her sister, her brother and her dad. She still hasn’t told her mother.

My dad’s reaction surprised me. I thought someone was about to tell him. And I felt that division. There’s a compartmentalization that goes on, and the older you get, the more separate you live your life. You don’t want to do it, but you do it to protect your secret. I found myself just not being comfortable when he would call. And thought, Why are we growing apart? I can’t do this! I can’t have my dad die of a heart attack and him not know who I am. So I told him. He was surprised. He said, “But what about the boys?” I said, “Dad, I tried.” He said, “What is that when you date girls and boys?” I said, “Bisexual. But dad, I’m not that. I’m SUPER gay.” I haven’t told my ex-partner yet. I’m single. I’ve never dated, you know.

Not everyone comes out dancing and waving a rainbow flag. To deny how difficult the decision is or gloss over that silent struggle is to once again alienate a group of people who already feel isolated. I get emails from time to time from closeted readers who thank me for making them feel a little less alone. Each one humbles and touches me in ways too profound for simple adjectives. Know this: If you feel alone, you are not. There are countless other Chelys out there, perhaps looking down the barrel of their own heartbreak, who feel exactly the same way. But she came out of it stronger, happier, more alive. So can you. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. If Chely keeps wearing those tank tops, I’m going to have to amend my Hot 100 list.

Who the hell is Chely Wright?

Yes, I had to Google her, too. Like many of you, I had no idea who Chely Wright was before this weekend. I’m not a country music fan (well, except for classic country – Willie, Patsy, Johnny – sorry, I digress), so I had no idea that Chely won Best New Artist from the Academy of Country Music Awards in 1995, had a No. 1 hit with “Single White Female” in 1999 or made People’s “50 Most Beautiful People” in 2001. When the guessing game began about who would be the gay to come out on the People magazine cover May 5, I sure didn’t guess Chely. But evidence has mounted and now Queerty, TMZ and Gawker seem to have all-but confirmed that it’s her save for the tell-tale “Yep, I’m gay”-magazine cover. (Note: People confirmed it was Chely today.)

Now, at first glance Chely might not trip anyone’s gaydar – I mean, not even one tiny ping. She is not any of the standard stereotypes of what a lesbian looks, sounds or acts like. But I think the country music trappings (i.e. makeup, big hair, twang) are just throwing us off. If we look closer, we can see that the signs are indeed there.

[Click to enlarge for research purposes only. Ahem.]

Novelty T-ShirtsBig, Chunky BeltsTank Tops

Extra bonus points for the hands tucked gayly in her pockets.

And then there’s the 2002 People magazine feature about her glamorous look.

Her sister Jennifer says of their childhood in Kansas:
“We were such tomboys. We swam in the pond in our shorts and had mud fights. Beauty was never anything Chely strove for.”

Her friend and singer Keith Urban:
“She can kick your ass whether it’s on the golf course or softball field. I wouldn’t get near her – unless she was on my team!”

Her own words:
“For a long time I had a chip on my shoulder: ‘What about the music? I’m a writer. I’m a producer. I’m a singer. But then I started working with all the tools on my toolbelt.”

Tomboys. Shorts. Softball. Playing on the wrong team. Chips on shoulders. TOOL BELTS. Come on, people.

Her (allegedly) pending announcement brings a new, delicious layer of irony to her biggest hit, “Single White Female.” She’s looking for a man like you. And by you, she means the woman sitting next to that man. And, once again, the visual cues are there. The “man” of her dreams is reading “A Primer to Jungian Psychology.” Psychology! And her little leather-clad backup singer seems awfully enamored with her. Girl crush!

Silly signs scavenger hunt aside, if Chely is the big Cinco de Gaymo it doesn’t have to be a letdown. Sure, we all had fun dreaming about one of the Mega (Again, Allegedly) Closet Gays coming out – your Andersons, your Latifahs, your Oprahs. And then for a hot second we thought it might be Shelby Lynne (who I knew was gay the minute a friend showed me her first breakout album cover). But Chely would still be the first major maintstream country star to come out – like ever. She would be coming out in a genre not know for its inclusiveness or acceptance of gays – gay rodeo aside. And she would be coming out to a fanbase who I would suspect live in some of the reddest states in the union – we’re talking Palin country. These are all big fucking deals that Joe Biden would certainly give his blessings.

Like Jennifer Knapp, whose coming out sent a jolt through the Christian community, Chely’s revelation could be that initial Toby Keith-esque boot in the ass to the country establishment. How will they embrace an openly gay performer? How will country radio treat her? How will her fans react? So much of what we do in this fight for gay rights is just preaching to the choir. You can give as many impassioned speeches as you want, but if the only people listening are supporters you’re not really making any headway. But for someone like Chely to come out and face what will surely be a backlash is something else. If, say, a Michelle Rodriguez came out I really doubt too many of her fans would say, “You mean that tough chick in the tank top likes other chicks? I’m shocked! I hate her now!” But that’s exactly (minus the tough chick stuff, or not – ask Keith Urban) what some of Chely’s fans might be saying to themselves tonight. This is exactly the audience we need to reach.

And then, on a big picture level, this revelation has thrown the rules of celebrity coming outs on their head. I mean, in the old days celebrities ran from gay rumors until either 1) someone caught them down or 2) they just got tired of running. Now, by all appearances, Chely is using her gay announcement as a way to generate positive publicity. I mean, who ever heard of announcing your coming out beforehand as a way to build buzz? This whole thing is timed perfectly with the May 4 releases of her new CD, “Lifted Off the Ground,” and her new memoirs, “Like Me: Confessions of a Heartland Country Singer.” Press material for her memoirs calls it “a book of revelation: honest, inspiring and true.” Like me? Revelations? Honest? Shorthand: Yay Gay!

Other interesting tidbits about Chely:

• She has kept a video blog since about 2007.
• She performs overseas for the troops with the USO.
• She moved to New York in 2008.
• She is loved by Kristin Chenoweth.
• She is going to be on the “Today” show Wednesday.
• She looks amazingly cute in glasses.

Hello sexy librarian, rawwwr.

So, welcome if indeed you’re the one we’ll be welcoming, Chely. I just met you, but I know you’ll make a lovely addition to the family. Though, and I mean this just as a bit of friendly advice, you’re going to want to cut those nails. Ye-and-Oww.

Also, and I mean this sincerely too, thank you for the tank tops.

p.s. What’s in the water out there in Kansas, ladies? Melissa, Jennifer and now Chely. Behind wheat and tornadoes, gay gals with big voices seem to be your state’s chief export.

p.p.s. Chely also did an interview with The Advocate talking about her coming out. I think this quote sums it up pretty well:

“I grew up feeling like there was no one else, no one that I could relate to. I felt like there was no one else like me, which is why I called the book Like Me. Even though this process has been incredibly difficult, I’ve still enjoyed a very fortunate life. Even if my career in country music ends, I know I will be OK. But I think about that girl in a small town in Louisiana who is too afraid to come out because she knows she won’t be safe. I think about that 15 year old boy living somewhere in Kansas, feeling scared and alone. If a country singer that he knows comes out of the closet, maybe that makes him feel a little less alone. And what about his parents? Maybe his mom knows my songs, or maybe his dad saw me perform for the troops in Iraq. If my coming out of the closet makes them rethink their ideas about gay people, then I’ve done something good. After finally coming to terms with my own life, I just felt like it would be irresponsible for me not to be honest about it.,”

p.p.s. Oh, and she has apparently never asked a girl out before. May I humbly offer my services as a test case.