Ask. Tell. Enjoy.

Ding dong, Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is dead. The Senate voted to repeal the policy 65-31 on Saturday, finally ending the more than 230-year ban on gay and lesbians serving openly in the United States military. You’ve come a long way, soldier. Granted, the legislation (which President Clinton Obama* will sign this week) did not immediately lift the ban – the military leadership ultimately controls the timing and implementation of the new policy. But it certainly doesn’t have long left. So there you have it, history. One step close to that more perfect union. Each step matters, each step is huge. We should savor this sweet victory, for they seem to come so slowly. We should salute all those who fought so hard for this day and served so proudly even while the country they were fighting for asked them to hide who they really were. And, to be slightly more shallow, we should celebrate how many more women will now be able to look really fucking hot in uniforms.

So while we wait, let’s enjoy some of the loveliest ladies to wear the U.S. military uniform on screen. Ten-hut, indeed.

Glenn Close, “Serving in Silence”Glenn looks great in a uniform and a suit, it’s almost unfair.

Dana Delany, “China Beach”God, green is her color.

Loretta Swit, “M*A*S*H”Hot Lips is one of the best nicknames for a character, ever.

Goldie Hawn, “Private Benjamin”Still my favorite Goldie Hawn movie.

Catherine Bell, “JAG”Finally, a color other than green.

Meg Ryan, “Courage Under Fire”Remember when Meg did that serious movie about that first war in Iraq?

Kelly McGillis, “The L Word”She didn’t get to wear a uniform in “Top Gun.” To her credit, Mama Chaiken rectified that on her show.

Rose Rollins, “The L Word”Oh Tasha, how I miss that smile.

Demi Moore, “G.I. Jane.”The shaved head, the one-armed push-up. Where do I enlist?

At ease, soliders. A grateful nation thanks you for all the hotness.

*Wow, now that was an impressive typo. I love how you all assumed I meant Hillary, but alas I was actually probably thinking about Bill. I had researched DADT's creation and signing before I wrote this and had too much Bubba on the brain.

My Weekend Crush

I’ve already crushed all over Natalie Portman with her timeless beauty and regal elegance. Her performance in “Black Swan” is sublime, otherworldly, mesmerizing. But most of us already knew she was good. But after walking out of “Black Swan” (which opens wider this weekend and you should go see it immediately), you’ll probably come away with a new appreciation for Mila Kunis. Flat out, that girl is sexy. Like really, totally, super-duper, hot-diggity, not-kidding-around sexy. I’m not sure if I’m getting my point across well enough here. The girl is sexy.

Now I hadn’t thought much of Mila when she was on “That 70s Show.” I caught enough of her on the show to know she was a) cute and b) annoying. But in “Black Swan” she is something else entirely – carnal. If that sounds dirty, then good because I mean it in the most visceral way possible. In “Black Swan,” Mila is all loose limbs and smoky eyes. You could see why Natalie’s tightly wound Nina would be equally threatened and attracted to Mila’s effortlessly uninhibited Lily. And, trust me, even if nothing I’ve said here convinces you of Mila’s sexy, just wait until you get to that scene. If The Gay really was something that we could convert people to, Mila would be able to build a house out of the complimentary toaster ovens sent to her by grateful new recruits. Yeah, that sexy. Happy weekend, all.

Park it

Five weeks! Five weeks until Leslie Knope! Five weeks until the return to Pawnee! Five weeks until Ron Freaking Swanson! You’ve been gone too long, “Parks & Recreation.” Never leave me like that again. For those of you unfamiliar with the encroaching joy I feel, please walk out your front door, get in your car (or bike or feet or whatever mode of transportation gets you from Point A to Point B), go to the store, find the DVD aisle and buy the second season of “Parks & Recreation,” get back in your car (or, you know, whatever), go home, close the front door and enjoy. You’ve got plenty of time to marathon the second season and get caught up before the third season starts Jan. 20. You don’t even have to take the time to thank me for my stupendously good advice.

Now, I realize I have been terribly remiss in not talking about my deep and meaningful feelings for this show that much on this site. Everyone knows I love me some “30 Rock,” but coming in an almost uncomfortably close second is the endearing zaniness of the Pawnee City Department of Parks and Recreation and its deputy director, Leslie Knope. This show was easily the most improved series from last year and the perfect one-two comedy punch for my Thursday night. I purposely time-shifted so I could watch my Tina Fey and Amy Poehler back-to-back. It’s like old times seeing them at the SNL anchor desk together again. But now, with “Parks & Rec” moving to 9:30 and “30 Rock” to 10, I won’t have to shift anymore. So as cautiously wary as I am of a 10 p.m. comedy block on NBC again (remember Leno? Better yet, let’s not), I love having them back-to-back naturally.

But back to the show. If you don’t watch you’re missing out on one of the zaniest, biggest-hearted, optimistically goofy shows on television. Yes, “30 Rock” has the urbane, zeitgeisty nerd humor. Yes, “Modern Family” has the rainbow flag of family values. Yes, “Glee” has jazz hands. But “Parks & Rec” has Leslie Knope. She’s like Hillary Clinton’s wildly enthusiastic and affably naive younger sister who makes up for what she lacks in political savvy with earnest hopefulness. Also, like her timeslot neighbor Liz Lemon, is an avowed feminist. That’s two shows on a major network television airing consecutively with female leads who call themselves feminists. Yeah, at this point I think it’s a sin against womankind not to watch.

p.s. I think Ron Swanson might be my spirit animal (minus the hating government stuff – and mustache) because I, too, like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.

Keeping abreast

Hey, hey. My words. They’re up here. OK, so, yesterday my thought process went like this: “Write many things and then spruce them up with some pretty pictures.” But today, I know better. Today I’m going to stop fighting it and reverse the equation. Why? Because it’s 10 days until Christmas (or if you don’t celebrate Christmas, a nice long weekend). I think we all deserve to turn off our brains a bit. And, as evolution would have it, my theme for today’s post has a habit of turning off brains anyway. I’ll freely admit, I’m not really a breast gal. I mean, don’t get me wrong, they’ve nice – no, really nice. But I can usually still make steady eye contact with a lady in spite her really nice rack. Not that I don’t enjoy a peek now and then. There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world, it would be a pity to not stare at these. [Though your work might think otherwise, so tastefully – that means no nip – NSFW.]

Scarlett JohanssonSo she is single now. So, you know – hey, girl.

Christina HendricksLike I could leave her off this list. Pshaw.

Anna FrielSize doesn’t matter.

Julianne MooreI can’t say this enough: This woman is FIFTY.

BeyoncéIt’s kind of not fair being both bootylicious and boobylicious.

Anne HathawayAnne is totally laughing at my boobylicious joke.

Dita von TeeseMatching one’s cleavage to one’s jacket is truly a lost art form.

RihannaIf she really was the only girl in the world, that would be a shame because we wouldn’t be able to look at her.

Blake LivelyIs it just me, or does that look uncomfortable?

Salma HayekWhen she arrives to vacation on small South Pacific islands the villagers always notice an abrupt change in the tidal patterns which subsist immediately after she leaves once again. They have yet to determine what is causing the additional orbital pull. Ahem.

Lynda Carter/Wonder WomanThe Wonder Boobs were responsible for untold numbers of nascent lesbian experiences.

A Winslet and a prayer

Hey, you know who we haven’t talked about in a while? Kate Winslet! I know! How is this possible? Did I fall on my head? Possible! But the real reason is that Kate hasn’t really been in the news much lately because she hasn’t had a movie out. Sure, she shot and finished the mini-series “Mildred Pierce” for HBO, set to air next year. But it has been two full years since she was last on the big screen (“The Reader” opened in December 2008). Now in a way this is good, because it means Kate hasn’t fallen victim to the dreaded quickie Oscar follow-up flop that has plagued so many actors and actresses. Think Halle Berry and “Catwoman,” Charlize Theron and “Aeon Flux,” Cuba Gooding Jr. and the entire remainder of his career.

Since her win a lot has happened. She separated from her husband, director Sam Mendes, and was seen about town with a super hottie model and new boyfriend Louis on her arm. Now I will fully admit my double standard about this. When I see such behavior on a man I find it boorish and, you know, boorish. But on Kate? Get it girl!

Of course, seeing Kate out makes me want to see Kate on screen again. “Mildred Pierce” opposite Evan Rachel Wood should be amazing. But I’m more interested in the big screen. She has two films the docket. One is “Contagion,” which as you can guess from the name is about some sort of horrible outbreak of some disease that will kill us all. It also co-stars like all the stars – Matt Damon, Gwyneth Paltrow, Marion Cotillard, Jude Law, Laurence Fishburne, and more. Though I bet this film seemed a lot more topical and a lot less like a rehash of that 15-year-old movie with Dustin Hoffman and Rene Russo in Hazmat suits when we were all convinced we were going to die from the piggy flu at any second. But, still, Steven Soderbergh is directing and that’s usually promising. (cough, “Solaris,” cough, “Full Frontal,” cough, whatever the hell “Bubble” was).

But then the really interesting, and by interesting I mean perplexing, thing is her other project. Again, read the cast and think – I want to go to there. Kate, Jodie Foster, John C. Reilly, Christopher Waltz, Matt Dillon (I still have a soft spot for him from “The Outsiders”). But then you get to the director: Roman Polanski. Oh, fuck wank bugger shitting arse head and hole! I’ve already made my feelings on this subject very clear. And I’ve already lamented this decision from Jodie’s perspective. But, Kate, oh Kate. I realize that agreeing to work professionally with someone is not the same as agreeing with their personal views or actions. And I can separate the art from the artist. “The Pianist” was a great movie. “Rosemary’s Baby” was a great movie. But now, in light of everything that has both come out and happened in his case, it seems like a tacit pardoning of his crimes. In short, I’m disappointed. And, once again I’ll let my double standards show, I’m more disappointed in the women who choose to work with him than the men. Deep, deep sigh.

But through it all, I still love Kate. I’ll still see (most) of her movies. I’ll still love her wit and her propensity to swear. I’ll still love her style and her smarts. I’ll l still love her expertly arched eyebrows and fuck-you-I-will-eat-dessert attitude. I still love her, period. I miss her. Come back to the big screen soon in something we can all feel good about soon, dear.

Lights, camera, acting

Sometimes we forget that acting is a craft, and a difficult one at that. Actors become celebrities and then who they’re fucking becomes somehow more important than what they’re portraying. But acting, that grand game of make believe wrapped up in the fabric of basic human truths, is difficult. And great acting, well, that’s something almost otherworldly. It is making something out of nothing. In fact, acting may be the most basic of arts – to create using only our bodies and brains. No paint, no clay, no music. Just emotion.

But, like I said, sometimes we forget that amid the razzle dazzle and the gaudy glitz that accompanies acting. So it’s nice when someone like the New York Times magazine reminds us once again that acting is indeed an art – and a thing of beauty. Like they did with female tennis players, the Times has crafted an amazing multimedia package featuring 14 actors acting. The magazine asked the year’s best actors to “show us — in a few gestures and with a few props but without dialogue or story — what acting is. And here they are, striking some of the classic attitudes of cinema, turning their bodies and faces into instruments of pure, deep and enigmatic emotion.” In less than 90 seconds, all of them manage to transport us somewhere and make us wish no one ever yelled, “Cut!”

A look at a few of my favorites. See all of them here:

Natalie Portman, “Black Swan”


Noomi Rapace, Millennium Trilogy films


Jennifer Lawrence, “Winter’s Bone”


Chloë Moretz, “Kick-Ass,” “Let Me In”


Tilda Swinton, “I Am Love”

I can’t stop watching Tilda’s. I don’t think she is human, and I mean that in the best possible way.

My Weekend Crush

Harvey Milk was right: You’ve gotta give ’em hope. Now, hope for shippers is an ephemeral thing. Here today, dashed tomorrow. Brittana fans have seen their hopes recently beaten nonsensically the big crazy rock that is Bartie (Barfie, more accurately). Wait, what? This Brittany and Artie thing is actually happening? I don’t. I can’t. Wait, what? Stop eating glitter, Ryan Murphy, and start making sense. But then Santana herself comes down from on high and gifts us with this.

Now, say what you will about the character of Santana (she is mean, she is promiscuous, she is calculating – and those are just the reasons I love her), but Naya Rivera has proven in her interviews and fan interactions to be a sweet, thoughtful and prodigiously talented young woman. She has encouraged and supported the LGBT fans who have showered love on the Brittana pairing. She has made no attempts to distance herself from the sexual fluidity of her character or her close off-screen friendship with co-star Heather Morris. She has even said that Brittany is really Santana’s soulmate, which seems to be apparent to everyone except the “Glee” writers themselves. Also, wow, is she ever easy on the eyes.

Granted, hoping two fictional characters on a television show where characters randomly break into choreographed song and hoping for full equality for all LGBT people may not seem on the surface like comparable dreams. But sometimes something small can matter in ways we can’t even quite understand ourselves. So thank you, Naya, for giving us hope. Thank you for making a million little lesbian hearts flutter with anticipation of your every cocked eyebrow, withering glare and intertwined pinkies. Thank you for your grace and your voice. We will keep dreaming about The Beckoning Finger and keep our fingers crossed for the rightful return of our favorite Queerios. Happy weekend, all.