She's trying to teach me how to cook

I am not a good chef. I’m just not. I enjoy food, a lot. But my culinary expertise pretty much stops at “How do you like your eggs?” (Though, I am good at eggs. So, you know, feel free to stay for breakfast.) Still I do love watching other people cook, especially if those other people are hot ladies. So on this day of feasting in the United States, here is one of my favorite cooking scene pretty much ever. If learning to cook was always like this, I’d be well on my way to being a master chef. Happy Thanksgiving, all.

p.s. The only way that scene could have been better is if they kissed at the end, like they clearly wanted to. Idgie and Ruth, my first OTP.

Tank Top Tuesday: Summer TV Edition

You know what I love? Summer TV. I mean, I love TV in general, clearly. But summer TV is a breed unto itself. When I was a kid I don’t really recall having a summer TV season. We called it reruns. But now we’ve got entire shows that only come on when the temperature rises. And something about running in the summer, perhaps the heat or the fact that people are daydreaming about vacation, that makes them more fun. There’s a wink and a nod involved in some of the best summer shows. Leave the serious stuff for those cold, windy months. When the weather gets warm, the TV gets sunny. And when the weather gets warm, the stars of our favorite summer shows, like the lovely Mary-Louise Parker, have a habit of reaching for the tank tops. Like I was saying, I love summer TV.

Mary McCormack, In Plain SightI’m not going to lie, I love all of the pregnancy boob humor the show has gone for this season.

Marsha Thomason, White CollarShe certainly put the “special” in special agent. I demand to see more of Diana and her girlfriend in their “shegulls nest.”

Piper Perabo, Covert AffairsIs it just me, or has this show greatly improved this season? I think it’s because Annie gets to be a real kick-ass agent now, instead of just a pawn used to get to her ex-boyfriend. Also, there’s been a tad less ridiculous running around in high heels.

Kiele Sanchez, The GladesThis show hits my crime procedural sweet spot. Charismatic leads, good chemistry and interesting yet not too scary cases. And Kiele is not exactly terrible to look at either.

Troian Bellisario, Pretty Little LiarsHer voice makes me want to commit a crime, which she will then try to solve. Please come hide in my bushes, Spencer. Wait, that sounded…just about right.

Shay Mitchell, Pretty Little LiarsFor someone freshly out, Emily sure has amassed quite a string of girlfriends already. Maya, Paige, Samara. Though, if you were a teenage lesbian who looked like Shay Mitchell, you wouldn’t be single long either.

Kristin Bauer & friend Liz Vassey, True BloodIn honor of Pam, I declare “think of Estonia” as a new euphemism for cunnilingus.

Rutina Wesley, True BloodOn that note, I’m so glad Tara is thinking of Estonia this season. So glad.

Sasha Alexander, Rizzoli & IslesOh, Dr. Isles. How I’ve missed you and your high femme flirty ways.

Check out AfterEllen.com later today for the return of my Rizzoli & Isles Subtext Recaps.

Love in the Big House

Lesbian in prison making out? So cliché. Lesbians in prison making out played by Mary-Louise Parker? Sign me up! Arrest me! Throw away the goddamn key! Right, sorry, getting ahead of myself. Everyone's favorite pot dealer returns for the new season of “Weeds” and things have, well, changed. (Spoilers for Season 7, though nothing not in the promos already.) It has been three years since the end of last season. In that time Nancy Botwin has turned herself in. Went to prison. And, by all appearances, went gay. Really, really gay. Observe.

[NOTE: Took out the embed to rid us of the damned autoplay. But if you haven't seen it, or want to relive it, click on over to E! where it was originally posted. It doesn't autoplay there, for what it's worth.]

Granted, this is more than likely a L.U.P. situation (Lesbian Until Parole, a second cousin twice removed from Lesbian Until Graduation). Still, I will take my Mary-Louise making out with another woman any way I can get it. Plus, I started watching “Bad Girls” during vacation which has made me a total convert to the subtle art of prison courtship. Anyway. Where was I? Oh, yeah, Mary-Louise. Hey, you're not paying attention either. You're rewatching the clip. Fine, I'll wait. It's Nancy whispering goodbye into Zoya’s ear right before leaving that gets me the most. In that one breathy moment you can see their entire past relationship flash before you. And, man, is it hot.

Though I think we should all be thanking ourselves for this scene. It looks like our letter-writing campaign last season must have paid off. What? You don’t remember that letter you wrote? Well let me refresh your memory. Last year in her interview with Vanity Fair, the reporter asked if she’d be getting any lady action with the lesbian pot dealer played by Linda Hamilton.

MLP: Yeah, yeah, I hear you. But no, that’s not happening. It’s just something they put in the trailer because it’s funny, but it doesn’t actually happen. It’s not a bad idea though. I’ve always thought that Nancy should have sex with a woman. It’d be good for her.

VF: Would it help if we started a letter-writing campaign?

MLP: Like a grassroots sort of thing? Yeah, we should do it. “People In Support of Nancy Botwin Embracing Lesbianism.” Right on.

Score one for the mighty pen. And, now we get to see if sex with a woman was indeed good for Nancy. I know it was good for me.

My love for Mary-Louise is long and storied. It started, as it did with most of us, with Ruth. And it’s carried over through her career in movies and TV. I love her adult brand of sexy. It’s not coy, it just is. When you’re a grown-ass sexy woman, you don’t have to play games. I mean, you can if you’re into that. But if you’re like Mary-Louise you can just smile and show us what you’ve got, knowing full well that we’ll want it. And we do, we really, really do.

Vacation Vixen: Mary-Louise Parker

What are things that if they were in my bed would cause me to never leave it for $1,000, Alex.

Girls do make passes at girls who wear glasses

So, I still can’t stop thinking about those smart girls. If there is one accessory that almost automatically adds points to a woman’s IQ, it’s a nice pair of glasses. Give a gal with glasses a book (particularly a book about kissing, like Mia Kirshner above) and be still my big nerdy heart. Now, as some of you might remember, I’m a glasses wearer. I wear contacts most of the time, but I’ve always got my specs on in the evening to write and watch TV and hang about the house. As a kid, I wore glasses full-time – big clunky things that for some incomprehensible reason covered more of my cheeks than my actual eyes. Seriously, were we trying to look through some heretofore unknown fourth eye with those enormous hubcap lenses in the 80s? Back then they used to say “Guys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses.” But that was before the whole sexy librarian thing really took off. And now, well, I still can’t speak for the guys, but this gal sure likes making passes at girls who wear glasses. In particular, these gals. No need to take your glasses off and shake out your hair, ladies. I mean, feel free to shake out your hair, but definitely keep the glasses on while you do it. Here’s looking at you, four eyes.

Mary-Louise ParkerBig brown eyes behind big brown frames make my knees weak, instantly.

Cate BlanchettBlue eyes behind blue frames ain’t half bad either.

Shirley MansonOf course, gingers can wear whatever color frames they want.

Angelina JolieAnd then sometimes you don’t need any color at all, just the world’s most expertly arched eyebrow.

Anna TorvEverything in this picture works for me. Glasses. V-neck. Ponytail. Laptop. Books. Heck, I even like the lamp.

Padma LakshmiEverything in this picture works for me, too. Plus, I know Padma could cook me an amazing dinner afterwards. And then we’d talk shit about Tom Colicchio.

Sarah ShahiNow that’s what I call a nice pair – of glasses.

Helena Bonham CarterThis whole ensemble is crazy. But crazy good, not crazy Bellatrix Lestrange.

Rachel MaddowOh, to have her look over her Clark Kent glasses and talk dirty, dirty politics to me.

Tina FeyOh, please, like I wasn’t going to include her.

Marlee Matlin & Jennifer BealsThis is them, the insane hubcap-sized glasses we used to wear in the 80s. Of course, they look fine on Marlee and Jennifer. Whatever, I’m not jealous. Though, we probably shouldn’t talk about the hair.

Oh, and one other sexy thing about glasses? When things get steamy, so do they.

Grassroots lesbianism

I would officially like to declare this the launch of the “People In Support of Nancy Botwin Embracing Lesbianism” grassroots letter-writing campaign. Yep, the line forms here. Get your pens, get your paper, get your stamps. This is where it starts. We are all going to write into Showtime right this very second to make this happen because Mary-Louise Parker said so. I am very obedient when it comes to these matters. Obsequious, even.

But perhaps I am getting ahead of myself a tad. I can’t help it, what with the excitement. Mary-Louise Parker is talking about embracing lesbianism and I’m rushing the punchline. Let’s back up and talk about how this soon-to-be groundswell of public support began. You see, Mary-Louise did an interview with Vanity Fair. In said interview she talks about many things: never having smoked pot, once having sucked on a pot lollipop, why smart people want to fuck her, why dumb people also probably want to fuck her, why Nancy Botwin likes to fuck rough, how fame is fucked up and not knowing who the fuck Bill O’Reilly is but thinking he “probably comes from a nuclear family and didn’t get enough attention as a child.” God, I fucking love her.

Amid all of that, she also talked about the trailer for the sixth season which featured Mary-Louise offering Linda Hamilton a very personalized down payment, ahem, in exchange for some product. When the interviewer asks if Nancy would be getting any lady action this season, she responds:

MLP: Yeah, yeah, I hear you. But no, that’s not happening. It’s just something they put in the trailer because it’s funny, but it doesn’t actually happen. It’s not a bad idea though. I’ve always thought that Nancy should have sex with a woman. It’d be good for her.

VF: Would it help if we started a letter-writing campaign?

MLP: Like a grassroots sort of thing? Yeah, we should do it. “People In Support of Nancy Botwin Embracing Lesbianism.” Right on.

You heard the woman. Get writing.