Det. Sexy McBadass & Dr. Smartypants

So, you know I love me some “Rizzoli & Isles” (henceforth alternately known as Det. Sexy McBadass & Dr. Smartypants). And it’s going to be mighty hard to beat the gayzzoli of last week. I mean, Maura told Jane, “I love you.” So, not really so much subtext as regular old maintext now. But, as a dreamer, I can always hope for more. This week’s episode will be the one with Jane’s big high school reunion. I hope everyone thinks Jane and Maura are LLBFF at the event. I know, it’s not good to go back to the well – but when the water is so sweet, why not? Still, when writer imagination fails us, we always have the fanvids. Oh, fanvids. How you make the dirty things in our head spring to life on our screens.

Oh, and if you haven’t been checking out my Rizzoli & Isles Subtext Recaps on Wednesdays over at AfterEllen would it help if I told you a mutual friend of ours has?

You know, no big, it’s cool. Just Sasha Alexander saying she’s read a few of my recaps. Be right back, passing out – FOREVER.

They're back (at being so gay)

Hey, you know what day it is? “Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext-O-Rama Day, that’s what day it is. Everyone’s favorite totally heterosexual – except when they’re not being heterosexual, which is kind of always – Boston police detective and chief medical examiner are back. Can you contain yourself? Don’t even try. Having seen the episode I can assure you that our ladies of law enforcement are no less gay. In fact, they are so gay. So, so, so, so gay. And, if you don’t believe me, please believe the evidence. Here are five irrefutable reasons Jane and Maura are totally gayzzoli for each other.

p.s. Check out my Rizzoli & Isles Subtext Recaps at AfterEllen on Wednesdays for this short five-episode winter return. (Yes, Wednesdays, not Tuesdays. I need the extra day to not die of exhaustion, trust me.)

SGALGG: Thankful Edition

You know what we haven’t done in a while? Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals, or what I like to call SGALGG – that acronym that sounds like you’re choking on a cracker. But this being a week where we give thanks to what we’re thanksful for, I am thankful for how delicious two straight ladies look when they’re acting totally gay. Also, cheese. I’m thankful for cheese. But mostly the thing about how beautiful two women can look together. Like, for instance, Cate Blanchett and Nicole Kidman. Now that is an attractive couple anyone would be delighted to invite over for Thanksgiving dinner.

Lea Michele & Michelle ChoHow dare she cheat on Dianna like this.

Lisa Edelstein & Dianna AgronDianna, as you can see, did not take Lea’s indiscretion lightly.

Emily Blunt & Allison JanneyIt is taking all of Emily’s will power not to look down.

Tracie Thoms Shanola Hampton & Emmy RossumShanola* is all, “Honey, not here. Later, later.”

*Apologies, she looks so much like Tracie in that picture. Also, I’ve never seen Shameless.


Mary McCormack, Gina Gershon & Kathryn HahnIn Gina’s defense, Mary clearly doesnt care if people look her in the eyes or not.

Jennifer Carpenter & Julie BenzIf only Deb and Rita had dated instead. For one thing, Rita would probably still be alive.

Maggie Q & Aisha TylerIf they just keep smiling, maybe no one will notice the piece of Maggie’s jacket Aisha ripped out earlier while, um, you know.

Gillian Anderson & Kate WinsletNow Kiss. Now Kiss. Now Kiss. NOW KISS.

Olivia Wilde & Sasha AlexanderSo, admittedly, they’re not doing anything particularly gay together here. But seeing them together is making all women all over the planet gay.

Tank Top Tuesday

Sure, it’s fall. A lovely crispness has crept into the air. The leaves are showing off with one last colorful hurrah. And soon it’ll be all mittens and scarves. But that doesn’t mean we have to abandon the beauty of the simple, sheer tank top. In fact, I would argue there is no base garment more suited to the layering process thus making it an integral part of any wardrobe through all four seasons. Or, at least that’s how I’m rationalizing it in my head. Also, pretty much every place you go has nice, toasty indoor heating. So, like the indescribably lovely Shelley Conn above, get autumnal with your tank tops to your heart’s content. Just, you know, bring a jacket for when you have to go back outside.

Anna SilkHoly Badass Blue-Eyed Bo, Batman. Super Succubus came out to play, and it was lip-licking good. Check out this week’s “Lost Girl” SnapCap later today on AfterEllen.

Lena HeadeyAs happy as I am to have Lena back on TV on the regular, her new “Game of Thrones” role requires she wear considerably fewer tank tops than her “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles” gig did.

Sasha AlexanderAs excited as I am about the return of “Rizzoli & Isles” in two weeks, I’m also nervous. What if I’ve forgotten how to write a good subtext recap? Better pray extra hard to the gayzzoli gods Nov. 28th.

Camila GreySometimes I remember out of the blue that Cam and Leisha like to kiss on planes, and it makes my whole week.

Liv TylerI like that Liv has gotten a tad thicker since her dancing with Alicia Silverstone in her dad’s music videos days. It suits her.

Marsha ThomasonMarsha gets to kiss her gorgeous girlfriend on “White Collar,” and then get kissed by the gorgeous Kat Dennings on “2 Broke Girls.” Some women have all the luck.

Aubrey PlazaNBC is finally making my dream Thursday night happen and airing “30 Rock” and “Parks & Recreation” back-to-back at 8 and 8:30 starting Jan. 12. There is a TV god, and she loves me.

Diane KeatonDid you know Diane Keaton was on Twitter? She tweets some really interesting photos. She has a nice eye. Also nice on the eyes? Vintage Diane in a tank top.

Photobomb the system

Grab your flak jacket. Throw on a helmet. It’s time to get photobombed. One of my favorite photos from this year’s Emmys wasn’t a SGALGG moment (because there were precious few to be found, and trust me I looked). No, it was an explosively awesome photobomb by my No. 1 Fake TV Wife Tina Fey. While one might say I am predisposed to think everything Tina does is explosively awesome (and one would be right), I think even under the casual, objective observer would be hard pressed to think differently. Tina photobombing Amy Poehler, Martha Plimpton and Mark Burnett at the Governor’s Ball ranks among my all-time favorite celebrity photobombs. But, of course, there are others. So in the spirit of silliness, please enjoy a few of my favorite celebrity photobombs. Beware celebrities: No matter how hard you pose, another celebrity might sneak in and drop a hilarity grenade.

Sasha Alexander by Edoardo PontiGetting photobombed by your husband? Awkward.

Lucy Lawless & Rob Tapert by Renee O'ConnorGabrielle photobombing Xena? That has to be the start of a fan-fic somewhere.

Taylor Swift by Daniel CraigThis photobomb is shaken, not stirred.

Justin Timberlake & Olivia Wilde by Hugh LaurieHouse has about a million N’Sync jokes running through his head.

Catherine Zeta-Jones & Angelina Jolie by Michael DouglasThis is less of a photobomb and more of a wishful thinking.

Perez Hilton & Amber Riley by Lea MicheleSee, Lea doesn’t always pose for photos the same way.

Sandra Oh & Thomas Haden Church by Paul GiamattiPaul did this because they made him drink Merlot.

Ang Lee & Uma Thurman by Jake GyllenhaalOne of the all-time classic photobombs. Drink responsibly, kids.

Tina Fey by her daughter, AliceWhat can I say, like mother, like daughter.

p.s. “Parks & Recreation” is back tonight on NBC, so watch it y’all or Ron Swanson will photobomb all your future formal portraits.

Vacation Vixen: Sasha Alexander

Kittens, I’m on vacation again. But don’t worry, it’s just for a quick week. I’m popping back home for a long-overdue family visit. But while I’m away, as always, I will leave you with the variety of vivacious Vacation Vixens to view. But, because I love you, I will do my best to still bring you this week’s Rizzoli & Isles Subtext Recap. It also may be because I seem to be a little unclear on the definition of the word “vacation.” So, please enjoy the scrumptious Sasha Alexander today. And come back to AfterEllen tomorrow for a recap of tonight’s episode.

Give it to me, baby

You guys, seriously. You guys. You probably already saw this last week. But if you didn’t, it’s one hell of a way to start the work week. And even if you did, it’s still one hell of a way to start your work week. This is Sasha Alexander and Angie Harmon enjoying a little on-set dance party for the Angie’s birthday last week. For first timers and repeat viewers alike, it’s certainly something to aspire to in the workplace. Just think how the work week would fly by if we all danced our day away through the office. Oh, Sasha. Oh, Angie. You make me feel gayzzoli all over.

EDIT: Well, shit. I do not know why the video was marked private all of sudden. I hope it’s just a temporary mistake. Until it is made public again, please enjoy this older vintage of Angie Harmon dancing on set instead. It’s still a pretty fantastic way to kick off the work week.

EDIT 2: Embedded with a working reupload of the dance party. Get your groove on.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Gay It Forward

Right, so sometimes the lovely ladies who gay it forward wear suits instead of tank tops. Which is fine by me. I’m equal opportunity when it comes to my preferred lesbian attire. And I can’t think of a better subject to lead the way than Carla Gugino. She’s had more lesbian and lesbianish scenes than the cast of “The L Word.” Granted, the movies are largely of questionable quality. “Jaded,” “Rise: Blood Hunter,” “Center of the World,” “Sin City,” “She Creature.” They’re not exactly “Citizen Kane.” But, you know, A for effort. Though I really think we should get a petition going to finally put Carla in a good lesbian movie. It’d be a crime to let someone who looks that good in a suit go to waste. A damn crime.

Jaime MurrayIf Myka saw this you know she’d throw herself at HG, non-corporeal form or not.



Jordana BrewsterIf you ever want to find the lesbians in a crowd, just yell the name “Lucy Diamond” and see whose heads swivel faster than you can say “D.E.B.S.”



Amy AdamsWhile I’ve never seen the rest of “Standing Still,” I will admit to watching one particular scene more than once.



Chloe SevignyI have no idea what’s going on with the strange face kerchief. But seeing her in a jacket gives me warm fuzzies about her uber butch hottie in “If These Walls Could Talk II.”



Christina HendricksI kept the “Without a Trace” where she played an agoraphobic lesbian on my DVR for an unusually long time.



Kristin Scott ThomasI know, I’ve been on a bit of a KST kick of late. But with “Love Crimes” coming up and “Tell No One,” “Bitter Moon” and that scene in “Four Weddings and a Funeral” where she said she was a lesbian once in college all in the bag, can you really blame me?



Heather MorrisIt’s Brittany, bitch. And I have a lot more to say about her over on AfterEllen a little later today.



Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu and Drew BarrymoreIt’s the hat trick of lesbian kisses with Cameron in “Being John Malkovich,” Lucy in “Rise: Blood Hunter” and the “Ally McBeal” kiss heard around the world and Drew in “Poison Ivy.” With that track record it’s amazing they didn’t work in a threesome kiss in “Charlie’s Angels.” Well, there’s always the new TV show.



Sasha AlexanderDr. Maura Isles wearing Det. Jane Rizzoli’s clothes? I’ll be in my bunk, possibly forever.

p.s. Maura is totally checking out Jane’s ass in her dress here.

My Weekend Crush

Each time I see Sasha Alexander, she’s a little more gorgeous than the time before. Which, considering how gorgeous she is to start with, is pretty near impossible. But there she goes, each time anew, making me think – “No, this is the most gorgeous I have ever seen her. This.” She has a sophisticated sereneness about her that plays perfectly off of co-star Angie Harmon’s coltish kinetic energy. But outward gorgeousness, even the exponentially increasing kind like hers, is really nothing when not coupled with inner beauty. And by all account Sasha has that as well. And with each new interview, my respect for her increases as well.

Being one of the leads on a hit new TV show about a crime-fighting pair that even your grandmother has started to wonder aloud if they’re LLBFFs with benefits must be somewhat overwhelming. The flood of fervent fangirls. The flood of are they or aren’t they questions. But rather than pish-posh fans or squash speculation, Sasha has been universally magnanimous about the gay talk. She told TV Guide that the subtext discussion was “a great compliment. Angie is a beautiful woman, and I can't say we don't make a hot pair.” And she told Jimmy Kimmel that “Everybody’s a little bit more gay these days…. Best friends can be very gay.” Her embrace of the fans and our love for these characters and their chemistry is refreshing. She doesn’t just tolerate us, she truly appreciates us.

And speaking of that Kimmel interview, can we just talk for a second about that dress? Sweet merciful Zeus, that dress. I’m pretty sure the laws of physics dictate that she had to be poured into it that dress. And her hair – her shiny, perfect, luminous hair. And that laugh, that throaty delicious laugh. That’s it – this is definitely the most gorgeous I have ever seen her. That is, until the next time I see her. Happy weekend, all.

Tank Top Tuesday: Summer TV Edition

You know what I love? Summer TV. I mean, I love TV in general, clearly. But summer TV is a breed unto itself. When I was a kid I don’t really recall having a summer TV season. We called it reruns. But now we’ve got entire shows that only come on when the temperature rises. And something about running in the summer, perhaps the heat or the fact that people are daydreaming about vacation, that makes them more fun. There’s a wink and a nod involved in some of the best summer shows. Leave the serious stuff for those cold, windy months. When the weather gets warm, the TV gets sunny. And when the weather gets warm, the stars of our favorite summer shows, like the lovely Mary-Louise Parker, have a habit of reaching for the tank tops. Like I was saying, I love summer TV.

Mary McCormack, In Plain SightI’m not going to lie, I love all of the pregnancy boob humor the show has gone for this season.

Marsha Thomason, White CollarShe certainly put the “special” in special agent. I demand to see more of Diana and her girlfriend in their “shegulls nest.”

Piper Perabo, Covert AffairsIs it just me, or has this show greatly improved this season? I think it’s because Annie gets to be a real kick-ass agent now, instead of just a pawn used to get to her ex-boyfriend. Also, there’s been a tad less ridiculous running around in high heels.

Kiele Sanchez, The GladesThis show hits my crime procedural sweet spot. Charismatic leads, good chemistry and interesting yet not too scary cases. And Kiele is not exactly terrible to look at either.

Troian Bellisario, Pretty Little LiarsHer voice makes me want to commit a crime, which she will then try to solve. Please come hide in my bushes, Spencer. Wait, that sounded…just about right.

Shay Mitchell, Pretty Little LiarsFor someone freshly out, Emily sure has amassed quite a string of girlfriends already. Maya, Paige, Samara. Though, if you were a teenage lesbian who looked like Shay Mitchell, you wouldn’t be single long either.

Kristin Bauer & friend Liz Vassey, True BloodIn honor of Pam, I declare “think of Estonia” as a new euphemism for cunnilingus.

Rutina Wesley, True BloodOn that note, I’m so glad Tara is thinking of Estonia this season. So glad.

Sasha Alexander, Rizzoli & IslesOh, Dr. Isles. How I’ve missed you and your high femme flirty ways.

Check out AfterEllen.com later today for the return of my Rizzoli & Isles Subtext Recaps.