All who wander are not Lost

So, how about that “Lost Girl” this season? I have to say, it has been a bit of a roller coast ride. Some weeks it’s just the epitome of everything I love about this show – the sexy, the action, the pathos, the sexy some more. And then some weeks it feels like wallowing knee-deep in angst. It’s like we’ve stumbled into a video for “Smells Like Succubus Spirit” or something. She is sad because Dyson left her. She is sad because Lauren left her. Emo Bo is emo, we get it. Poor Anna Silk should put in for hazard pay for all the premature wrinkles her scowling this season will surely cause.

But I think what’s irked me most is the inconsistent writing for Lauren. Now, I give the show mad respect for making her character more prominent in the second season. They obviously saw what fans responded to in the first season and responded accordingly. Still the very thing that made so many of us fall in love with Dr. Hotpants in the first place (well, besides how hot pants and other things look on her, that is) is her calm, loyal, gentle personality. One look into those big, soulful, brown eyes and we were all goners. Goners I say.

So much of that is Zoie Palmer herself, who elevated a relatively small role into total fan worship status. Yet somehow this season we’ve gotten two Laurens. The one we know and love. The calm, loyal, gentle Lauren. And the cold, insensitive, unthinking Lauren. It was the last Lauren we saw last week, when Nadia woke up and even though she told Bo she loved her and even though she told Bo she couldn’t have gotten through the past year without her and even though she and Bo had crazy hot sex, she didn’t bother to pick up the phone and say, “Hey, my girlfriend woke up!” Nope, she just walked right into Bo’s birthday party, hand-in-hand, with her coma-free girlfriend and proceeded to give Bo a steel death star as a present. Just throw it right into her heart why don’t ya, Lauren?

This inconsistency actually annoys me more than the Doccubus Interruptus Nadia’s arrival represents. Don’t get me wrong. I want Bo and Lauren to get together, end up together, spend hours upon hours on primetime television peeling tank tops off each other together. But I understand that in TV it’s not always best to get couples together right away. If I’ve learned anything from my misspent youth it is that there are always obstacles to true love that must be overcome. (Though, come on writers, we can’t get more than one good Doccubus boinking scene before you pull the rug out from under them? We’ve been so patient. We ask for so little.)

Still, I haven’t come anywhere near giving up hope. We are only half way through this second season. There’s plenty of time left for good (and hopefully sexy) things to happen. And while we’re waiting, writers, please feel free to let Bo get her sexyback on this season. Preferably with Lauren, obviously. But it’s been a bit of a dry spell for our favorite Succubus. How about you let those blue eyes blaze? And, if you need any other volunteers, trust me, I know about 10 gajillion lesbians who’d happily volunteer to die with a smile on their faces. Sucking face never looked so good.

p.s. Did I mention I’m interviewing both Zoie and Anna this week? Yeah, not a terrible week to be me.

Tank Top Tuesday

Sure, it’s fall. A lovely crispness has crept into the air. The leaves are showing off with one last colorful hurrah. And soon it’ll be all mittens and scarves. But that doesn’t mean we have to abandon the beauty of the simple, sheer tank top. In fact, I would argue there is no base garment more suited to the layering process thus making it an integral part of any wardrobe through all four seasons. Or, at least that’s how I’m rationalizing it in my head. Also, pretty much every place you go has nice, toasty indoor heating. So, like the indescribably lovely Shelley Conn above, get autumnal with your tank tops to your heart’s content. Just, you know, bring a jacket for when you have to go back outside.

Anna SilkHoly Badass Blue-Eyed Bo, Batman. Super Succubus came out to play, and it was lip-licking good. Check out this week’s “Lost Girl” SnapCap later today on AfterEllen.

Lena HeadeyAs happy as I am to have Lena back on TV on the regular, her new “Game of Thrones” role requires she wear considerably fewer tank tops than her “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles” gig did.

Sasha AlexanderAs excited as I am about the return of “Rizzoli & Isles” in two weeks, I’m also nervous. What if I’ve forgotten how to write a good subtext recap? Better pray extra hard to the gayzzoli gods Nov. 28th.

Camila GreySometimes I remember out of the blue that Cam and Leisha like to kiss on planes, and it makes my whole week.

Liv TylerI like that Liv has gotten a tad thicker since her dancing with Alicia Silverstone in her dad’s music videos days. It suits her.

Marsha ThomasonMarsha gets to kiss her gorgeous girlfriend on “White Collar,” and then get kissed by the gorgeous Kat Dennings on “2 Broke Girls.” Some women have all the luck.

Aubrey PlazaNBC is finally making my dream Thursday night happen and airing “30 Rock” and “Parks & Recreation” back-to-back at 8 and 8:30 starting Jan. 12. There is a TV god, and she loves me.

Diane KeatonDid you know Diane Keaton was on Twitter? She tweets some really interesting photos. She has a nice eye. Also nice on the eyes? Vintage Diane in a tank top.

Lost get it on

Right, so I actually had another perfectly delovely and delightful post planned for today. But you know what? It’s my birthday, so I’m going to obsess about sexy Doccubus time if I want to. And oh, how much sexy times there was to obsess about. Now, pop on over to AfterEllen a little later today and we’ll talk about the whole episode in the Lost Girl SnapCap. But right now, right now I just want to talk about the sex. I know, so shockingly out of character for me to skip right to the naughty bits.

But here is the thing about Bo and Lauren. Their sex scenes have been perfect. Too long in the coming? Yes. The slowest slow boil ever? Yes. Excruciating in their sexual tension? Yes, yes, God yes. But once they finally arrived? Perfect, just perfect. And here is why. While we’ve only had two all too brief sex scenes between our favorite bisexual succubus and her favorite human doctor, they’ve shown progress. Real, natural, organic, sexy as hell progress. Shall I dissect further? Of course I shall.

In their first love scene, it went how first times often go. It was tender, and a tad tentative. First times are exploratory missions, about finding one’s footing and making a good impression. Passion mixed with wonder. Like, whoa, is this really happening? Yes, this is really happening. Like, you know, this.

But then the second time, the second time went how second times often go. It was hot, and all hunger. Second times are singularly minded, about getting off and damning all niceties. Desire mixed with impatience. Like, why the fuck are these clothes here? Get these fucking clothes off immediately if not sooner. Like, you know, this.

But do you know what else makes Bo and Lauren’s second time so perfect? It wasn’t just the delicious, delicious tearing off of each other’s clothes to get to the juicy center. And the thing where Bo pulls Lauren back to her by her thighs. Her thighs. It was that kiss Bo gives a sleeping Lauren on the cheek. That gentle little moment tells us it’s not just sex. Not just a booty call. Not just a medicinal romp. It’s something more. Something special. Something like love. Now don’t fuck this up, Nadia. Or I swear I will have your cryogenically frozen ass turned into a popsicle.

p.s. Anyone else happily surprised by how much of a top our reserved Dr. Hotpants is? Also, how nicely her topping behavior shows off them guns? Go get ’er, cowgirl.

Making up for Lost time

On Tumblr, those delightful kids have this meme where they compare expectation to reality. Expectation is always something amazinglyawesomekickasssexy. Reality is decidedly more disappointing. And, in a way, the same meme could be applied to this season of “Lost Girl.” Expectation and reality have clashed a bit. Many fans have grumbled, myself included, about the prolonged mopey teenage pining Bo has done over the end of her relationship with Dyson. I did not tune in to see a heartsick emo succubus. I tuned in to see an amazinglyawesomekickasssexy succubus going all badass and blue-eyed on the baddies (and sometimes also the goodies). I did not tune in for Dawson’s Fae.

Some of you have worried that the lovesick, less sexy Bo is because SyFy has picked up the series for U.S. air. Producers swore at Comic-Con over the summer that SyFy hadn’t asked for any naughty scene cuts (just a few naughty word bleeps). But, indeed, it could be a case of self censoring. The show has been tamer. It could also be a function of story. A lot of her sexytimes last season were with wolfboy and now they’re no longer together. Access problems can be a real thing, people.

But I think some of the problem may also just be growing pains. The series had a considerable growth spurt between its first and second seasons, expanding from 13 episodes to 22 episodes. So perhaps that extension has slowed down the storytelling. At this point last year we would have been almost half way through the season. Now we’re barely a fourth of the way in. They’d never have been able to stretch out a breakup like this last season, that’s for sure.

Still I am keeping the faith that our expectation and reality when it comes to “Lost Girl” will meet not just in the middle, but nearer the amazinglyawesomekickasssexy side very, very soon. If the last episode and its excruciation sexual tension between Lauren and Bo are any indication, we could be in for something good. Really, really good. That boob graze is a perfect surrogate for all of our lust. We want our Doccubus and we want it now. And if we don’t get some, well, then I will be the first to call unfair Docc Block on the show and its frustrating of our fangirl fantasies.

Look, “Lost Girl,” we can be patient. But we won’t wait forever. Give us the good stuff. And by good stuff, I mean some Dr. Hotpants pants dropping. Preferably this Sunday. Preferably every Sunday.

p.s. Don’t forget to check in every Tuesday on AfterEllen for your friendly neighborhood Lost Girl SnapCaps.

TV, take me away

Right, so I’m watching a lot of TV this season. Fine, I watch a lot of TV every season. But this season I’m watching it with slightly more productive intentions. As I’ve already mentioned, I’m going to be writing SnapCaps (short, snappy recaps) on AfterEllen for “Lost Girl.” The second one went up yesterday. In addition, I’ll be SnapCapping “Ringer” (second one is up today) and “Prime Suspect” (it airs Thursdays, Snap Caps will post Fridays). That’s a lot of writing about TV. It’s tricky writing about new shows because, well, they’re new and as we’re trying to figure them out they’re trying to figure themselves out. So, to summarize, I’m a busy girl sitting on my couch, per usual.

Of course, this being the new TV season, I’m also trying out a lot of show I’m not writing about either. So far I’ve sampled three other new shows: “The Secret Circle” (“The Craft,” but with less goth accessories), “2 Broke Girls” (I laughed more than I expected to, in spite of myself) and “New Girl” (Let’s face it, Zooey Deschanel is the draw here, I could give a flip about her three male roommates). I am on the fence about “Up All Night,” because while I love the cast another show about parenting being crazy really is not on this gal’s big gay agenda. And the reviews of “Charlie’s Angels” are worse than the reviews of “Bionic Woman,” and we all know how well that show went. I’ve also decided against “The Playboy Club” (even with the real and the pretend gay bunnies) and “Pan Am” because even if you put it in a nice 60s suit and beautiful retro dress, sexism isn’t really my favorite thing to watch on TV. (p.s. On that note, I’m glad to hear the makers of “Prime Suspect” have decided to veers away from the blatant sexism in the pilot after this week.) There are a handful of other shows I’m considering adding to my dance card, but considering the returning shows I already watch, that’s a really freaking full dance card.

I guess all of this is a long and somewhat winded (though mostly because I’m out of shape from sitting on my couch and watching all this TV) way of saying I hope you’ll watch TV along with me this season and share your thoughts on all the shows I’ll both be SnapCapping and any other shows that catch your eye. But just because it’s a new season don’t think for a second I’ve forgotten about old friends. Yes, kittens, I miss Jane and Maura, too. But don’t worry. They’ll be back for five more in November. Until then, please enjoy Det. Rizzoli’s new (and very NSFW) ringtone for Dr. Isles.

EDIT: Every once in a while, actual comments get caught in the automatic Blogger spam filter. This usually happens with comments that contain dirty words or are really long. I hardly check the filter, because frankly I forget it is there. But, rest assured, I do not delete any comments (save for obvious spam or blatant hate speech). Also, this post is about scripted shows. Though I did watch DWTS and commented on it quite a bit on my Twitter feed. So follow me there for my thoughts on DWTS.

My Weekend Crush

Anna Silk is many things. Beautiful. Badass. Bold. Have I mentioned badass already? It’s like Mary Louise Parker had a younger sister who was raised by the world’s most polite Canadian biker gang. The star of the supernatural series “Lost Girl” is also unwaveringly wonderful to her fans, particularly all us crazy gay ladies who keep demanding more hot Doccubus action. Some of those fans fondly remember her from her same-sex smoochery on the Canadian comedy “Being Erica.” On “Lost Girl,” her bisexual succubus heroine Bo follows in the grand tradition of Buffy. A young woman bestowed with supernatural powers who takes up her mantel somewhat reluctantly. But then, once she embraces her strength, look out bad guys – there’s a new sheriff in town and she wears a lot of leather.

Those unfamiliar with the Canadian series will get a chance to see it from the beginning when SyFy starts airing it early next year. But those of us who are already hooked (and those of us outside of Canada who are watching along through methods we will not mention) know it’s one of TV’s most delightful new addictions. Supernatural craziness, mythological baddies and one very appealing Dr. Hotpants. What more could a gal want? In fact, I love this show so much I’m going to start writing SnapCaps (short, snappy recaps with an accompanying SnapGraph) each week for the rest of the season. You can catch up today on AfterEllen (should post in a bit) with a “Story So Far” SnapCap. And then starting next week expect fresh, feisty “Lost Girl” SnapCaps every Tuesday. I cannot wait. Bring it, Anna. Happy weekend, all.

What time is it?

My God, have I missed “Lost Girl.” In 10 days TV’s best (fine, only) story about a bisexual succubus will be back for more fae-tastic adventures. Now, I’ve talked about my not-so-secret love of this Canadian delicacy before. And I’ve waxed eloquent about what I love about its stars Anna Silk (Mary-Louise Parker doppelganger + leather) and Zoie Palmer (soulful smirk + hotpants) and the hot doccubus action. But the dirty little secret I haven’t shared is that I also enjoy that this show is quite possibly TV’s most reliable deliverer of a little thing I like to call “Boobs O’Clock.”



What, pray tell, is Boobs O’Clock? Well, you know, it’s not really something that can be explained adequately in words. Mere syllables do not do this very special time of day justice. In fact, it’s less a time and more of a state of mind – dirty mind. Please allow Bo herself to demonstrate Boobs O’Clock.

Right, so, does that clear things up? No, still confused. Right, well perhaps a little repetition will help.

Ah-ha. Now you’re grasping the concept. Grasping. Get it? Oh, never mind.

Oh, Canada. Oh, Sept. 4. It’s about that time again. Let’s do this.

Tank Top Tuesday

You know what’s nice to wear when sailing on a ship? Tank tops. You know what’s nice to see when talking about lesbian “ships?” Tank tops. Life has this beautiful symmetry to it sometimes. Today, in honor of some of our favorite gay lady relationships on TV (maintext, subtext & just the voices in our head varieties), how about a little friendly couple competition? Which pair wears it best? And, to get even more cutthroat, which partner in each pairing wears it best? Total lezzer tank top supremacy awaits, ladies. Choose wisely.

Naya RiveraStill No. 1 in our hearts, minds and pants.

Heather MorrisStill No. 1 in Santana’s heart, mind and pants.

Anna SilkIf you haven’t watched “Lost Girl,” I actually pity you.

Zoie PalmerDr. Hot Pants should always pair them with a tightly fitted tank. Always.

Sara RamirezTank scrubs, think about it Seattle Grace.

Jessica CapshawReally, really think about it Seattle Grace.

Lily LovelessLily, a pint and that smirk – it’s all a growing girl needs to survive.

Kat PrescottThough, of course, a daily supplement of Kat couldn’t hurt either.

Lea MicheleNow this is entirely different kind of “bait girl” look. I approve.

Dianna AgronWearing a tank top is basically the same thing as wearing a “Likes Girls” T-shirt, no?

Angie HarmonThis season on “Rizzoli & Isles,” in addition to wanting more eye sex we should all demand more tank tops.

Sasha AlexanderIsles being a Rizzoli is both confusing and hot. So. Fucking. Hot.

Man, life is just one tough decision after another.

The Unsnubbed

You know what I get a lot of emails saying? “You should write more about [insert beautiful, talented woman’s name here].” People are always asking me to write about their favorite actresses, singers, shows, athletes, authors, younameit. I don’t mind this at all. I’m just one person and, clearly, I am not omnipotent to even the tiniest degree. So I like being alerted to folks I may be shamefully ignoring. That said, there are certain people I purposely ignore, without the slightest hint of shame. Though I actually don’t get too many requests for those people. Not too many Kardashian fans read my blog it seems – imagine that. So here then is a round-up of some of my most frequently requested blog snubs (or just woefully underrepresented ladies), my reason for their previous snubbing and my heartfelt apologies.

Stana KaticI don’t watch “Castle.” And that’s the one and only reason why. Because, seriously, that bone structure – yum.

Crystal ChappellI don’t watch daytime soaps. And I don’t watch online soaps either. Jesus, I can’t even get through my DVR queue of nighttime shows.

Laura Sánchez & Marian AguileraI don’t speak Spanish. And my need-to-watch list of English-language shows is already ridiculous. Otherwise PepSi all the way.

Anna SilkI don’t know why I waited to write about “Lost Girl.” And I have even watched all the Bo & Lauren bits on YouTube, some multiple times. Those two together? Dead sexy.

Paget BrewsterI don’t have a good reason, again. And I’ve been watching this show for years. But I’m not sure how much longer I can hang now that she and AJ Cook are gone. Plus that new girl? Words cannot express how much I loathe her father-daughter vibe with Joe Mantegna. LOATHE.

So, kittens, who else have I missed? Who needs to bloglight shined on her? Remember, check the tags. I actually have written about a shockingly large number of ladies. It’s almost like it’s my jobs.